Keeping the Spark Alive

May 1, 2014
I had the opportunity to do an interview with Chris Bruce from Stay Married Florida on the topic of keeping the spark alive in your marriage after you have children. I hope that you are encouraged by the many practical ways that you can make your spouse the priority in the home and how that will greatly bless your children. Please click HERE to listen to the 20 minute interview.

 

Being Vulnerable in Relationships

June 6, 2013

One of the biggest issues we have in relationships is being able to fully be ourselves in the presence of another person.  If we are truly vulnerable with someone we take the risk of being hurt, rejected, judged, or shamed.  So instead we only allow others a glimpse of ourselves.  The closer you are to someone and the more your trust someone, the more likely you are do be vulnerable with them. 

People are often able to be more vulnerable in counseling than any other place because they know tha...

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Resolved

November 30, 2012

 

According to a survey of 3,000 participants, 88 percent of all New Years resolutions end in failure. Resolving yourself to pursue a healthy change in your life is very important in beginning to achieve sustained growth.  However, you are most likely to achieve that healthy change if you begin today. Waiting for a certain date in the future greatly decreases the likelihood of you being successful at achieving what you have resolved yourself to.  Start today.  Not next week, or after next mont...


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Three Secrets to Lasting Change

October 2, 2012


Over our years of working with people whether it be marriages, addictions, teens, depression, or any other presenting issue, we have seen that there are three pillars that an individual must have in their life in order to support change.  Before they can even establish these pillars, they must first have a strong desire for change. Without having that first, it is unlikely they will do what is needed to establish these pillars.

The first pillar is community.  We live in a culture tha...


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Staying Focused. Accomplishing Your Goals.

July 31, 2012
 
There are countless books (a great one we read lately was Getting Things Done by David Allen) out there on motivation, goals, focus, and success.  Maybe you want to lose weight, maybe you want a better job, maybe you want more time with family, or maybe you want to break an addiction.  Whatever it is, you have not done it yet.  You may have wanted to accomplish it for days, weeks, months or even years. 

 

For some it may be depression that holds you back.  Others are locked up with fear of wha...

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Can People Change?

April 24, 2012

 
“How many counselors does it take to change a light bulb?  Only one, but the light bulb really has to want to change.”  

Forgive us for the corny joke, but we state it because there is a great deal of truth in it.  When it comes to any true transformation (whether it be addiction, marriage, anxiety, eating disorder, etc.), the greatest indicator of success is the true level of a person’s desire to change.  Many come to counseling skeptical of the idea that people can really change. We h...

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How Do I Know if I Have an Addiction?

February 1, 2012
 
When many think of addiction they think of someone strung out on drugs, someone dying of liver disease from alcohol use, or someone who ruins their marriage through multiple/ongoing affairs.  The reality is that the effects and prevalence of addiction reach far beyond these “extreme” examples.  In the most simplified form, an addiction is a behavior that you intentionally do with the knowledge that there will be long term loss, hurt and pain but you chose to do it anyway for the short te...

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Choose Your Spouse

December 2, 2011



If you were to ask your closest friends and family members what or who is number one in your life, what would they say?  Would it be work, would it be your children, would it be your parents, your siblings?  The biggest question is what would your spouse say.  Do they feel like you chose them as number one in your life?

The process of choosing your spouse as number one can be difficult as often you have to let go of things you have been using for security in your life (habits, unhealthy fr...


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Will We Get Divorced?

November 1, 2011



When a couple in conflict comes in for marriage therapy, the first thing that is most often observed is not the words that they say.  Though many times the words may be very hurtful, sad, discouraging, or raw, it is what the body communicates that is often more important.  John Gottman from the Gottman Relationship Institute highlights one of the first things he looks for during the first session with a couple.  It is body language that unconsciously communicates contempt for their partner....


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Guard Your Heart

October 19, 2011


We often hear in life that we need to guard our hearts from the hurts and wounds of others.  The challenge is finding the balance between guarding your heart and putting your heart out there in relationships with those you trust to build connection and intimacy.  Rather than guarding your heart, we prefer to call this balance of protection and vulnerability “valuing your heart”. 

Many of us have been deeply wounded in relationships.  The wounds may be abuse in the past or present, a p...


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Oliver Counseling


Nathan and Amy Oliver Welcome to the Oliver Counseling blog. This blog is dedicated to providing you with weekly insights into mental, emotional and relational health. It is also a place that you can bring your questions about mental health, relationships or counseling in general. We can take your questions through email and provide answers to them in the form of future blog entries.

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