If you were to ask your closest friends and family members what or who is number one in your life, what would they say?  Would it be work, would it be your children, would it be your parents, your siblings?  The biggest question is what would your spouse say.  Do they feel like you chose them as number one in your life?

The process of choosing your spouse as number one can be difficult as often you have to let go of things you have been using for security in your life (habits, unhealthy friendships, etc.).  Sometimes you have to confront things in your life that you have been avoiding confrontation in. Sometimes you have to sacrifice your own needs or desires (living selflessly).  Sometimes you have to set boundaries with parents or family and advocate for your spouse when needed (not calling them daily, not going to them with anything you have not first gone to your spouse with, etc.).

This can be especially difficult with children.  The tendency is to choose your children over your spouse, especially in blended families.  The reality is that the very best way to love your children is to choose your spouse first and cultivate a healthy marriage.  That healthy marriage well benefit your children in innumerable ways.

Choosing your spouse as number one assumes that you are not being enmeshed or codependent with them.  You still need to have a healthy degree of differentiation.  It also does not mean doing whatever they want and compromising your core beliefs.  It means that of all your relationships, they are number one and you actively find ways to treat them that way.

For more information on choosing your spouse as number one or how to have a healthy marriage, please feel free to connect further with Nathan Oliver and Amy Oliver at www.olivercounseling.com.