Showing Tag: "marriage" (Show all posts)

Keeping the Spark Alive

Posted by Nathan Oliver on Thursday, May 1, 2014, In : Marriage 
I had the opportunity to do an interview with Chris Bruce from Stay Married Florida on the topic of keeping the spark alive in your marriage after you have children. I hope that you are encouraged by the many practical ways that you can make your spouse the priority in the home and how that will greatly bless your children. Please click HERE to listen to the 20 minute interview.


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Being Vulnerable in Relationships

Posted by Nathan Oliver on Thursday, June 6, 2013, In : Relationships 

One of the biggest issues we have in relationships is being able to fully be ourselves in the presence of another person.  If we are truly vulnerable with someone we take the risk of being hurt, rejected, judged, or shamed.  So instead we only allow others a glimpse of ourselves.  The closer you are to someone and the more your trust someone, the more likely you are do be vulnerable with them. 

People are often able to be more vulnerable in counseling than any other place because they know tha...

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Resolved

Posted by Nathan Oliver on Friday, November 30, 2012, In : Valuing Self 

 

According to a survey of 3,000 participants, 88 percent of all New Years resolutions end in failure. Resolving yourself to pursue a healthy change in your life is very important in beginning to achieve sustained growth.  However, you are most likely to achieve that healthy change if you begin today. Waiting for a certain date in the future greatly decreases the likelihood of you being successful at achieving what you have resolved yourself to.  Start today.  Not next week, or after next mont...


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Three Secrets to Lasting Change

Posted by Nathan Oliver on Tuesday, October 2, 2012, In : Valuing Self 


Over our years of working with people whether it be marriages, addictions, teens, depression, or any other presenting issue, we have seen that there are three pillars that an individual must have in their life in order to support change.  Before they can even establish these pillars, they must first have a strong desire for change. Without having that first, it is unlikely they will do what is needed to establish these pillars.

The first pillar is community.  We live in a culture tha...


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Staying Focused. Accomplishing Your Goals.

Posted by Nathan Oliver on Tuesday, July 31, 2012, In : Valuing Self 
 
There are countless books (a great one we read lately was Getting Things Done by David Allen) out there on motivation, goals, focus, and success.  Maybe you want to lose weight, maybe you want a better job, maybe you want more time with family, or maybe you want to break an addiction.  Whatever it is, you have not done it yet.  You may have wanted to accomplish it for days, weeks, months or even years. 

 

For some it may be depression that holds you back.  Others are locked up with fear of wha...

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Can People Change?

Posted by Nathan Oliver on Tuesday, April 24, 2012, In : Valuing Self 

 
“How many counselors does it take to change a light bulb?  Only one, but the light bulb really has to want to change.”  

Forgive us for the corny joke, but we state it because there is a great deal of truth in it.  When it comes to any true transformation (whether it be addiction, marriage, anxiety, eating disorder, etc.), the greatest indicator of success is the true level of a person’s desire to change.  Many come to counseling skeptical of the idea that people can really change. We h...

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Choose Your Spouse

Posted by Nathan Oliver on Friday, December 2, 2011, In : Marriage 



If you were to ask your closest friends and family members what or who is number one in your life, what would they say?  Would it be work, would it be your children, would it be your parents, your siblings?  The biggest question is what would your spouse say.  Do they feel like you chose them as number one in your life?

The process of choosing your spouse as number one can be difficult as often you have to let go of things you have been using for security in your life (habits, unhealthy fr...


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Will We Get Divorced?

Posted by Nathan Oliver on Tuesday, November 1, 2011, In : Marriage 



When a couple in conflict comes in for marriage therapy, the first thing that is most often observed is not the words that they say.  Though many times the words may be very hurtful, sad, discouraging, or raw, it is what the body communicates that is often more important.  John Gottman from the Gottman Relationship Institute highlights one of the first things he looks for during the first session with a couple.  It is body language that unconsciously communicates contempt for their partner....


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Guard Your Heart

Posted by Nathan Oliver on Wednesday, October 19, 2011, In : Valuing Self 


We often hear in life that we need to guard our hearts from the hurts and wounds of others.  The challenge is finding the balance between guarding your heart and putting your heart out there in relationships with those you trust to build connection and intimacy.  Rather than guarding your heart, we prefer to call this balance of protection and vulnerability “valuing your heart”. 

Many of us have been deeply wounded in relationships.  The wounds may be abuse in the past or present, a p...


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Overcome Stress and Anxiety

Posted by Nathan Oliver on Monday, September 26, 2011, In : Anxiety 



We all experience stress and anxiety to some degree in our lives.  Unfortunately this has become accepted as normal by many.  Some would even say that a little bit of anxiety is good for you.  Anxiety and stress are ultimately fear based.  Fear always creates tension and tension always leads to pain.  So in the end there really is nothing good about stress and anxiety as they keep us locked up inside and prisoner to fear and tension. 
There are many sources of stress and anxiety in...


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Cure for Anxiety

Posted by Nathan Oliver on Tuesday, September 6, 2011, In : Anxiety 



I wanted to discuss something my father-in-law shared with me a few weeks ago that I have found to be very profound.  We were having a conversation about tension and anxiety, something that he is very good at freeing people from.  He said that he has found in his life and in the lives of those he has helped that the “antidote” for tension/stress/anxiety is thankfulness and gratitude.  When you look at that from a psychological perspective, there is a great deal of accuracy and truth to ...


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Improving Your Sex Life – Palm Beach Gardens

Posted by Nathan Oliver on Monday, August 22, 2011, In : Marriage 


One of the most important areas within a marriage is the sexual relationship.  This area has great potential for connection and intimacy, but also great potential for hurt and rejection.  In many ways, the sexual relationship is the relational barometer of a marriage.  If you are having sex frequently and are both feeling connected during sex, it is likely that is a result of you handling other areas of your marriage well.  If you have healthy communication, good conflict management, equal ...


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Forgiveness

Posted by Nathan Oliver on Tuesday, July 26, 2011, In : Grief 

Many people struggle with the idea of forgiveness for many reasons.  The biggest reason often is because the hurt and pain that someone else has inflicted on them is so great, so deep, that the idea of forgiveness seems impossible.  Indeed, there are many wounds in life that are very hard to forgive.  Abuse, betrayal, lies, cheating, and many others create great pain and tension in our lives.  The problem with not being able to eventually forgive, is that we continue to carry these wounds w...


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Overcome Depression

Posted by Nathan Oliver on Monday, July 11, 2011, In : Depression 

We all experience some form of depression in our lives.  Feeling down, sad, alone, and discouraged can happen to anyone.  However, it is when you are unable to overcome these feelings over time, or they continue to grow in strength that more intentional action needs to be taken.  Clinical depression is defined most directly by consistent feelings of hopelessness and helplessness.  The belief that nothing will ever get better and there is nothing that you can do to improve your situation.  T...


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Does Separation Lead to Divorce

Posted by Nathan Oliver on Monday, June 27, 2011, In : Marriage 


Many couples that we work with are at a crossroads in their relationship.  They are trying to decide if it really can work, or if it will not.  Every couple is different and therefore it is impossible to make broad statements about separation and divorce.  That said, the first thing to determine is which of the two paths you are on, divorce or restoration of your marriage.  Depending on how you both answer this question makes a huge difference in the steps you would take in your relationshi...


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Finding Your Career Palm Beach Miami

Posted by Nathan Oliver on Monday, May 16, 2011, In : Career 


The average person born in the latter years of the baby boom held 11 jobs from age 18 to age 44, according to the Bureau of Labor Statistics of the U.S. Department of Labor.  It can be a long process to find a career we truly enjoy.  The work we do does much more than just provide an income.  It consumes the majority of our days during our time on earth.  For many it becomes an identity.  A definition of who they are.  For others it is simply a means to an end.  Surviving the grind until th...


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Connecting With Your Teen – Palm Beach, Florida

Posted by Nathan Oliver on Wednesday, May 4, 2011, In : Parenting 

What in the world happened to that sweet little child that you once knew?  To the one who listened to what you said?  Who looked up to you?  Who wasn’t afraid to hug you in public?  Many parents fear the transition from child to adolescent.  The great change that happens both physically and socially (friendships, school, etc.) can be very intimidating.  The majority of parents feel completely unprepared for the teenage yea

Your once obedient child begins to push the limits in many ways y...


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Emotional Intelligence Palm Beach

Posted by Nathan Oliver on Monday, April 18, 2011, In : Valuing Self 


There is no question that one’s emotional intelligence has profound impact on success in both personal relationships and career.  Your ability to be self-aware and aware of others emotions will play a bigger role than your IQ when it comes to reaching your fullest potential in all areas of life. 

The first step in growing your emotional intelligence is to build self-awareness and self-management.  Self-awareness means having an accurate self-assessment, being conscious and present in reg...


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Restoring Marriage after an Affair – Palm Beach Gardens, FL

Posted by Nathan Oliver on Monday, April 4, 2011, In : Marriage 

 

Over the years we have seen a growing number of couples that are seeking counseling to restore their marriage after an affair.  These have included both sexual and emotional affairs.  They have involved a past relationship that was recently discovered, a recent relationship, or relationships with several people outside the marriage over a period of time.  The emotional and relational devastation that any type of affair brings on a marriage is often very difficult to recover from.  Howe...


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Prioritizing Your Marriage

Posted by Nathan Oliver on Monday, March 7, 2011, In : Marriage 



There are many things that can draw our attention and focus away from marriage.  Some of the biggest are children, jobs, general business and outside relationships.  It is essential to prioritize your marriage if you want to see it grow and process.  There are many areas that are important to grow in as you prioritize your marriage, but the one that we want to discuss today is pursuing intimacy.

By intimacy, we don’t just mean physical intimacy.  Intimacy is an avenue of connection.  S...


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Emotional Intelligence Presentation Jan. 29 West Palm Beach

Posted by Nathan Oliver on Tuesday, January 25, 2011, In : Valuing Self 


What is Emotional Intelligence?

Gary Oliver defines emotional intelligence (EQ) as:

“The ability to be aware of, recognize and understand our own feelings and those of others and to constructively manage those emotions in ourselves and in our relationships.”  Emotional intelligence has been shown to be a greater predictor of success in life, jobs, marriage, parenting and relationships than IQ.  EQ begins with having an accurate self-assessment and awareness which means knowing what ou...


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Help Effectively Parenting your Child or Teen

Posted by Nathan Oliver on Monday, January 10, 2011, In : Parenting 

    

    The key to success in any parenting is consistency.  If you can maintain consistency in your approach over a set period of time (which the length of that time often is directly correlated to how strong willed your child or teen may be), you communicate that you are not moving and thus they begin to move in the ways they need to.  In fact, children crave this consistency as it provides an anchor for them in their lives.  They can always count on you to have a certain response to an...


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how to improve marriage- palm beach county

Posted by Nathan Oliver on Friday, December 10, 2010, In : Marriage 



Marriage can provide the greatest opportunities for connection, love and intimacy.  Because we open our hearts so vulnerably to our spouses, we can also experience great pain and struggle in our marriages.  That is why it is essential to consistently be seeking to improve your marriage and connection with your spouse.

Throughout our years in counseling, there has been no greater joy than to see a couple move from a place of hopelessness in their marriage to a place of health and growth.  The...


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Regain Perspective on Life

Posted by Nathan Oliver on Tuesday, November 16, 2010, In : Valuing Self 


In our American culture, most of us are constantly going mach 5 with our hair on fire in regards to our daily schedules.  In other words, we are extremely busy.  There are countless distractions competing for our time and attention.  The problem with this constant spin cycle is that we rarely slow down enough to hear our own thoughts.  If we don't allow ourselves the opportunity to quite the noises all around us, it is very easy to lose perspective on life.

One of the most powerfu...


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Care for Yourself West Palm Beach

Posted by Nathan Oliver on Wednesday, November 10, 2010, In : Valuing Self 



Welcome to the Oliver Counseling blog.  This blog is dedicated to providing you with weekly insights into mental, emotional and relational health.  It is also a place that you can bring your questions about mental health, relationships or counseling in general.  We can take your questions through email and provide answers to them in the form of future blog entries. 

A great place to start as you pursue health in your life is to ask yourself this question, do you value  yourself?  Furthermore,...


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Oliver Counseling


Nathan and Amy Oliver Welcome to the Oliver Counseling blog. This blog is dedicated to providing you with weekly insights into mental, emotional and relational health. It is also a place that you can bring your questions about mental health, relationships or counseling in general. We can take your questions through email and provide answers to them in the form of future blog entries.

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