Marriage can provide the greatest opportunities for connection, love and intimacy.  Because we open our hearts so vulnerably to our spouses, we can also experience great pain and struggle in our marriages.  That is why it is essential to consistently be seeking to improve your marriage and connection with your spouse.

Throughout our years in counseling, there has been no greater joy than to see a couple move from a place of hopelessness in their marriage to a place of health and growth.  The true healing begins when both partners begin to move towards each other.  Then the essential work needed in areas such as communication and conflict can take root.  The first step to improving your marriage then is to begin to choose to do things today that involve pursuing your spouse, regardless of what they choose to do in response.  Assume the best about them and keep moving towards them (unless of course you are in an abusive relationship which would need to be addressed in a completely different way). 

You may have grown skeptical about your partner or marriage over the years, but don't allow that skepticism to turn into cynicism where you become hopeless and pessimistic.  One of the best ways that a couple can begin to move towards each other and improve their marriage is to go on a date once a week.  Set a night that you can consistently do a date.  Take turns planning it.  It does not have to always be romantic or expensive.  On your date avoid talking about kids, jobs or the house.  Ask about each other in ways like you did when you were first dating.  Rekindle that curiosity that you first had.  Begin to pursue each other again.  This is a great first step in improving your marriage.

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