There is no question that one’s emotional intelligence has profound impact on success in both personal relationships and career.  Your ability to be self-aware and aware of others emotions will play a bigger role than your IQ when it comes to reaching your fullest potential in all areas of life. 

The first step in growing your emotional intelligence is to build self-awareness and self-management.  Self-awareness means having an accurate self-assessment, being conscious and present in regards to your emotions, and having self-confidence.  Self-management involves having emotional self-control, taking personal responsibility for both your emotions and your reactions to your emotions, and being able to respond when your “buttons” get pushed rather than react

If you do not first have a strong sense of self-awareness, it will be very difficult to develop in your emotional intelligence.  It is hard to manage emotions that you are not at least first aware of.  The next step after growing in your self-awareness and self-management is to develop relational awareness.  This includes the extremely important areas of empathy, listening and valuing differences.  You may have authority over employees or people in your family, but you will not have true influence until you first develop these skills.  Only then can you reach the highest level of emotional intelligence which is relationship management.  It is here that you have effective communication, healthy conflict management, collaboration and cooperation.  This is essential whether you are simply having a conversation with your spouse, or leading a meeting at work. 


Unlike your IQ, you can change and grow your emotional intelligence. Some great resources on emotional intelligence include Emotional Intelligence by Daniel Goleman and Mad About Us: Moving from Anger to Intimacy With Your Spouse by Dr. Gary Oliver and Carrie Oliver.  For any questions on how to grow in your self-awareness, self-management, relational awareness, or relationship management, please contact us at