One of the biggest issues we have in relationships is being able to fully be ourselves in the presence of another person.  If we are truly vulnerable with someone we take the risk of being hurt, rejected, judged, or shamed.  So instead we only allow others a glimpse of ourselves.  The closer you are to someone and the more your trust someone, the more likely you are do be vulnerable with them. 

People are often able to be more vulnerable in counseling than any other place because they know that whatever they say is protected by a strict standard of confidentiality and that they will not be judged for what they share.  However, taking the risk of being vulnerable should not be held only for the counseling room.  In order to truly be known and to know others, we must overcome our fears, take a risk, and share our hearts.  It is no wonder that the majority of people we meet with in counseling feel alone even though they have an abundance of relationships.  It is not the quantity of relationships that matters but rather the depth of those relationships. 

Many of us have been deeply hurt in the past by others.  People have betrayed our trust. Some have even been severally wounded through abuse by others.  These experiences can understandably make it very difficult to be vulnerable to others in the future.  We need to use discernment on who we should be vulnerable with.  There are many daily relationships where vulnerability would not be appropriate such as with acquaintances, individuals with poor boundaries, certain individuals in authority over us, etc. First you want to heal from the hurts of the past and then begin to look for ways you can begin to establish trust in current or new relationships to that you can be vulnerable.  (To view an excellent 20 minute video on vulnerability by Brene Brown click here)

Finally, vulnerability needs to be mutual.  If you risk being fully yourself with someone, they need to take the same risk.  This trait is essential to a healthy, thriving marriage.  If there is one person in the world that should know the depths of who you are (the good, the bad and the ugly) it needs to be your spouse. 

If you would like to grow in the areas of trust and vulnerability, or heal from the hurts of the past, please feel free to contact us through the contact information on our website at at